Moving Day

Today is moving day. I’m taking a little bit of a break from frantically packing in order to write this blog.

I was primarily going to reflect on where I was when I moved back to my parents’ house vs where I am now, and it kind of ties in with something else that happened this week.

While I’m largely out of the esports journalism game, I was pretty disappointed to see that Slingshot Esports will be closing its doors. I wrote one article for them, but they were always receptive to pitches and gave me a much-needed boost in finances when I was still figuring out what I was doing with my life.

Their closing might not come as a hard hit because you can look to the esports space and see no shortage of publications. However, I think it’s important to note that not all of them may be geared towards people learning or polishing their craft. Some publications may not support freelancers at all — they may simply be using already-salaried employees to work their esports vertical as part of their blog.

Any loss of a site that supports the up-and-comers who eventually staff the bigger sites and act as advocates for this industry is a sad one. I hope the writers land on their feet, and I hope that other opportunities for newbies come up.

That being said, I kind of caught myself when I was tweeting a little bit about this yesterday; if I’m out of the industry, why do I care about it?

The answer is that writing and making things are still a large part of my identity. I still really like performing the act of writing, and I still enjoy publishing. It’s more that the act of journalism — the hunting, the negotiating, the moral drive — wasn’t something that worked for me anymore.

When I moved home, I wasn’t sure what I was going to be doing to change myself for things to work again. I didn’t know if I was simply done in esports. I’ve written about this before, but the benefit of having that safety net of a place to move home and figure myself out can’t really be overstated; I realized that I am truly lucky to have that support network, and not everyone has the same benefit.

So I guess that’s where my brain is as I move out. I’m a bit nervous, mostly because there’s still that looming “what if things change for the worst” feeling that comes attached to committing to a 12-month lease. I don’t know if I’m truly ready again to take care of myself, even though I really crave the independence. I’m going to miss little bits about living here, even though the prevailing feeling is “alright, I’m ready to leave.”

Taking that leap will be a good thing, I think. My next post will be from my new place, and hopefully everything goes well.

By Matt Demers

Matt Demers writes about media, esports, life, and mental health. You can find him on Twitter and Instagram. You can watch him stream on Twitch. You can listen to his podcast at Good Morning, Good Night.