Today is moving day. I’m taking a little bit of a break from frantically packing in order to write this blog.

I was primarily going to reflect on where I was when I moved back to my parents’ house vs where I am now, and it kind of ties in with something else that happened this week.

While I’m largely out of the esports journalism game, I was pretty disappointed to see that Slingshot Esports will be closing its doors. I wrote one article for them, but they were always receptive to pitches and gave me a much-needed boost in finances when I was still figuring out what I was doing with my life.

Their closing might not come as a hard hit because you can look to the esports space and see no shortage of publications. However, I think it’s important to note that not all of them may be geared towards people learning or polishing their craft. Some publications may not support freelancers at all — they may simply be using already-salaried employees to work their esports vertical as part of their blog.

Any loss of a site that supports the up-and-comers who eventually staff the bigger sites and act as advocates for this industry is a sad one. I hope the writers land on their feet, and I hope that other opportunities for newbies come up.

That being said, I kind of caught myself when I was tweeting a little bit about this yesterday; if I’m out of the industry, why do I care about it?

The answer is that writing and making things are still a large part of my identity. I still really like performing the act of writing, and I still enjoy publishing. It’s more that the act of journalism — the hunting, the negotiating, the moral drive — wasn’t something that worked for me anymore.

When I moved home, I wasn’t sure what I was going to be doing to change myself for things to work again. I didn’t know if I was simply done in esports. I’ve written about this before, but the benefit of having that safety net of a place to move home and figure myself out can’t really be overstated; I realized that I am truly lucky to have that support network, and not everyone has the same benefit.

So I guess that’s where my brain is as I move out. I’m a bit nervous, mostly because there’s still that looming “what if things change for the worst” feeling that comes attached to committing to a 12-month lease. I don’t know if I’m truly ready again to take care of myself, even though I really crave the independence. I’m going to miss little bits about living here, even though the prevailing feeling is “alright, I’m ready to leave.”

Taking that leap will be a good thing, I think. My next post will be from my new place, and hopefully everything goes well.